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Tom Coburn is a Big Fat Jerk


Home of the Barking Moonbat


Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Practical application of the philosopher's stone, for drunks and those of us who know this train is headed right for hell

Okay, so the New York Times is reporting that foreign investors are fleeing the US market. Like that's any surprise --- exactly what are they getting for their investment, given the falling dollar. I say cash it all out and either invest in foreign currencies or stash it, in hopes interest rates go through the roof. What I wouldn't do for a nice 13% interest rate right now!

On a similar note, Bloomberg reports the dollar outlook is bearish and, in response to Bush's *wink wink* policy (their words, not mine), Japan (who is currently propping us up) is threatening to sell. Like that surprises you and me. Wonder how those neocons like it, though, what with their 'fuck the world, the U.S. is KING!* attitude.

Yea, right, we don't need the rest of the world.

On a brighter note, a couple of innovative geeks have discovered how to transform bad vodka into a drinkable, mildly pleasant subtance.

As noted in their blog at Oh My God It Burns!, these adventuresome youg fellows (I'm assuming fellows, perhaps wrongly) decided to engage in second-rate science (their words) and test the effects of filtering bad vodka through Brita filters. Their purpose:
In the alchemical tradition, creation of the Philosopher’s stone is the ultimate end to man’s needs. The stone has the power to cure disease, prolong life, and possesses the added benefit of being able to transmute metals, as in lead into gold.

As scienticians, we believe that such an object exists, and that it can be used for our own dastardly purposes.

Our theory is that a simple brita water filter can be used to make bad vodka, into good. In our case this meant turning a Vladimir™, into a Ketel One™. At $11.09 for 1.75 liter (Ketel is 11.99 for the 350 ml), Vladimir is a steal. It is, however, painful to drink, has a repugnant aftertaste, posesses a bouquet reminiscent of rubbing alcohol. Our working theory was that these terrible qualities were caused by a lack of proper filtration, and that running our Vlad through a charcoal filter would remove some of the impurities causing these odors and flavors.

The results:
The filtered result was smooth and bore almost no aftertaste. For those of you who like the unique flavor of a Kettle One, Grey Goose, or other top shelf vodka, this is not a perfect substitute. However, this would be the perfect mixer vodka in my opinion. Try a blind taste test with your drunkard guests next time you throw a party and send us your results.
-Chris, Staff Scientician

Well, this is good news. Now we can all use some of our cashed out 401(k)s and pensions to buys cases of cheap vodka and just stay drunk for the next four years.


At 1:11 AM, Blogger Rob said...

On an even brighter note :)

I put up a new Iz song...I had up "Hawaii 78", but put up a slightly different version, "Hawaii 78 Introduction" (the first track on "Facing Future"). In this one Iz talks about the death of his father, his mother's sadness, and his own battle with depression.


At 4:36 PM, Blogger Cookie said...

Thank you! :=D I'm heading over there now to hear it - what a great way to start the holiday!


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