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Tom Coburn is a Big Fat Jerk


Home of the Barking Moonbat


Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I just don't do pissy very well anymore

I'm not ignoring your all's comments below or anything like that.

It's just that, between grading and mowing and the &^$#&!! bunny and the mouse (who's back, the fiend), I'm busy brooding over this complete jiveass bitch of a student I snarked out in class today.

She's one of those hugely busted females who wears visors and lugs huge feminine protection products by the dozens in one of those humongous utilitarian yet "cute" (in a Nebraska ugly way) bags.

God she's annoying. Worse, she couldn't write a sentence without fifty-five extra words in it (all meaningless) if you paid her.

Even worse, she's so used to throwing around her huge bosoms and extra large feminine protection products to get her way that she doesn't take kindly when short people like me tell her where to jump off.

Which I did today, given she's missed half the last month of classes and assumed I'm such a wuss, she'd get away with it. Til I snark-dared her today when first I told her to shut up, and stop relating all her extra large feminine protection product needs to the back half of the class.

Then she tried her typical "What? What are we doing in here?" And I spit back at her "People who attend class know what we're doing. Let's see how many people in here know what this is about." The entire class raised their hand.

A look of total fury came over her. How dare I defy her huge bosomed extra giant feminine protection products persona!

I then snapped at her that if you want to know what's going on, it's a good idea to come to class and, if you don't, it's your responsibility to find out --- and it's not my responsibility to take up everyone else's time to explain it to you.

Boy howdy she gave me the evil eye, and I stared her right back down. Then she lofted up her giant bosoms and her huge bag of all that, and stomped out of class.

I hate telling people where to get off. But if I had to do it all over again, I'd have been twice that snarky.


At 3:59 AM, Blogger MJ said...

Sadly, our situations are quite similar. It seems things don't change much between middle school and college.

At 2:15 PM, Blogger Okiedoke said...

I was going to comment, but, uh, changed my mind. ;)

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Cookie said...

Hehe. :=D

MJ, this is no girl --- she's probably like 28-30, one of those females used to dragging around cases of feminine protection products to wield whenever challenged or called on her behavior.

Worse, she must be a 55-DDDDD, so if the cases of feminine protection don't work, she pulls out the boobs.

And trust me, I'm no lightweight in the bosom department. But I don't whammy everyone in a mile radius with The Boob Weapon, to get my way.

Lazy bitch. She has more and lamer excuses than anyone I've ever met, and what she's really pissed about is I'm smarter than her.

*$^%#$# When will this &^#$@ semester be over????

At 4:15 PM, Blogger Ereshkigal said...

I used to teach at a community college. In order to manage abusive students-- i.e., those who try to manipulate the instructor and class to serve their own personal pathologies-- I included in my syllabus a couple of paragraphs clarifying My System of Accomodation for students with numerous absences, inattentive or disruptive conduct, or low classroom participation.

My System required that the student in question meet with me privately and sign a contract. The contract required the student to produce additional work as compensation for the "missing in action" time (usually, I assigned a small research project), and required the student to complete the project by a stated date. Any student who failed to comply with the System could be evicted from the course.

Of course, I retained discretion regarding application of all components of the System, and was able to deal with the majority of disruptions early (and privately). Only a few students suffered the full weight of the System, with the result that two students left the course voluntarily, and a third was evicted.

I like my approach because it forewarned students and gave notice that I had expectations classroom maturity.

On the other hand, I admire your bold snarking, and envy your command of the situation.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger Cookie said...

Ereshkigal, I admire your professionalism. "=D And it's a truly excellent plan.

I'm not organized enough to do all that, though, and do all the grading I do.

My general approach is to hit them with tons of work with very specific requirements which are only discussed in class. In addition, I give them lots and lots of weird readings --- lasoporP tsedoM A (backward to protect me from the ever googlin' student), nairuhtrA dnegel fo gniK rehsiF and similar, spotS enihcaM ehT, etc. --- and cast them into sepytehcra naignuJ, yroeht naipotsyd, etc.

Students who miss don't stand a chance. They really don't. But they're so stunned that they don't stand a chance that they rev up the bullshit meter.

However ... I have administrators who stand right begind me while I kick their butts around into chop suey. If I didn't, though, I would cut their work in half and implement a method like yours.

In general, I'm an animated but very mellow teacher. But I hate BSers and manipulators. I usually just give them enough rope to hang themselves, and they comply nicely. Every once in a while, though, I have to kick a little ass.

When the day comes that my entire life isn't taken up with grading (they do papers every week. EVERY WEEK) (and you people wonder why I'm ready to shoot myself????), however, I will implement something like your excellent plan.

At 6:02 PM, Blogger Ereshkigal said...

Cookie, your method is direct and satisfying, with the additional benefit of acting as a group purgative for your entire class (who, if I read your post correctly, seemed eager to stand behind you).

I bet you run a lively class. I hope that your courses all have long waiting lists of students who reallyreallyreally want to get in.

At 7:48 PM, Blogger Cookie said...

There are very long wait lists for my classes. :=D The thing that's so interesting to me is that this is a rural university filled with kids coming out of really shitty rural schools --- and they are absolutely hungry for the roughest, most complicated, esoteric, strange and convoluted stuff I can give them. You'd think they'd want the easy way out --- but they don't. Interesting, huh!

At 12:16 AM, Blogger Leila M. said...

oo make em read A Clockwork Orange....

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Tom Joad said...

You really have a great blog. I wish there were more blogs like this.

I wish I could somehow figure a way to save all these frustrated teacher blogs and publish them in a chicken soup type format! I just think they are great.

There's a popular one on the Friendster blogs by a prep school teacher. Some of her students have started googling her and things were getting out of hand last time I checked. Lately she's just been writing about her social life.

anyway kudos to you cookie!

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Cookie said...

Oh, I think that's a great idea!

Maybe you could do something like what Progressive Blog Digest does.

I love the teacher blogs. And I would love to see someone doing something with them!


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