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Tom Coburn is a Big Fat Jerk


Home of the Barking Moonbat


Saturday, December 10, 2005

I'm still really and truthfully not ignoring you and your comments

I seem to be going through some kind of an invasion of the bodysnatchers thing.

For example, everything that I once held holy seems to be falling to the wayside, with little to no effort on my part.

Where I once considered a nice big bowl of beef stew to be the ultimate in healthy eating, I've become one of those scary women who actually lunches on a salad and a glass of wine, and calls herself done.

This has been happening out of the blue.

I've also been becoming management, although I've always considered it my highest duty to Merry Prankster the world.

Suddenly, I spend hours on the phone with my sister, explaining to her why her administrator (in a hospital) is doing the things he's doing and why he's right to do them.

Worse, while one of my greatest strengths as a teacher has been my ability to empathize with troubled students, I have become a bitch. The latest is, I've invoked what I call the 70% solution: if a paper is unreadable due to bad grammar and/or organization, the highest grade it can get is 70%. Of course, given those kinds of papers are usually ripe with logical errors, etc., and fail to address an assignment at all meaningfully, this really means the highest grade a student can get is maybe a 60% or even 50. IOW, the big fat F,

The scariest of all: I've been faithfully paying back my student loans instead of spending all my time and effort trying to get out of them. This one actually started months ago, maybe two years ago or shortly after I bailed on grad school, but it's accelerated into a virtual mission. Even though I qualify for all kinds of deferments and whatnot, I've been bucking it up and slashing the budget to the bone and paying the highest possible amount I can, while simultaneously putting anything extra into a high interest savings account.

In fact, it's this that's triggered the rest. It began when I stopped buying any significant amount of meat because meat cut too deeply into my student loan payment money. I still buy it, but in absurdly small amounts which then become part of other meals composed primarily of vegetables.

Then, a year ago, I realized (which I already secretly knew but refused to acknowledge) that, if I got another job in addition to the one I have, I could pay them off in no time flat. About that time, the university where I teach asked me to apply for a fulltime position --- but I didn't because I hate meetings too much. If they were to ask today, though, I'd go for it. I'd just have to suck it up for the meetings.

Now this has fed the body snatcher phenomenon. I've always reveled in my eccentric raison d'etre and beingness, my inner Merry Prankster, and all that has certainly contributed to my popularity as a teacher (have you seen how she throws her hands around? her arms are always flapping in the wind! did you know she uses nohtyP ytnoM to teach logic??!!). However, all that distracts from my ability to obtain other employment. I'm not very good lumber store material, IOW, and I would definitely scare patients in doctors' offices --- in fact, they would probably boot me for unwittingly reading Tibetan Book of the Dead in front of terminal patients.

So, in sum ... where I once resented paying the student loans back, I now find it to be one of the most gratifying experiences in my life. Every month, I relish the time spent figuring how much the balances (because there are three) are dropping.

And this enjoyment has taken over everything else. It's like being a sex addict. It's my mission.

So I need to make more money, meaning I have to become more mainstream, which requires more clothes which also requires I slash the budget even more and which means every time I get a good coupon (40% off your highest priced item!!), I take that coupon and search for the perfect little shirt or whatever --- just one whatever, though, because the good coupons are always only for the single --- one highest priced item.

I even bought a coat, the first I've had in six years. Well, sure, you don't really need them here, given in a normal year, it's only really cold for a couple of days. But still --- I now own a coat, purchased at half price with another 40% off (the savings which then either went into my high interest savings account or toward student loans) --- another signpost along the way.

I'm even considering a fashionable haircut, as that will make me a for sure desirable hire for any position.

All this interferes with blogging. The hours i could spend blogging are now being spent cutting hundreds of dollars off my car insurance, money which then goes for well you know the drill. I spent three days trying to cut my ISP payments in half. I succeeded. Next came long distance: down from over $30 a month to $5. Of course, I can't call anyone anymore, but who cares?


I have to do all these things, but it does cause problems for blogging. When your mind is obsessed with how to make more money, it's hard to focus on the blog.

But I'm still trying. I love my blog and I refuse to give it up. I just have to get myself through this bodysnatchers thing.


At 10:02 AM, Blogger MJ said...


At 1:12 PM, Blogger Cookie said...

Scary, isn't it? :=D

I think once I recovered from the shock of actually having the loans, I got annoyed and said to myself "dammit I will not have these stupid &^%$##@ loans hanging over my head forever!"

And that was pretty much the end of that. It's become almost a game seeing how much I can trim from the budget so I can pay more down on them.

At 1:13 PM, Blogger Cookie said...

OMG, I really can post comments again!!


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