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Tom Coburn is a Big Fat Jerk


Home of the Barking Moonbat


Friday, May 06, 2005

Day Two, Grading Marathon

I find myself trapped in a miasma of ethical dilemma. Many of these students are hoping to get into a competitive nursing program, and it is within my power to block the way.

So I'm spending hours staring at the ceiling, considering whether I would want someone caring for me who thought the following was a suitable expression in English:

"The weather chaning faster than they had predicted them, in from the next century, too few week ahead. Worn about weather coming sooner until a hit of strong storms hit everywhere. To predict global climate trends, climatologists accumulate large historical databases and use them to create computerized ... "


I just found plagiarized paper four (or is that six?) for this round. Damn!

Even worse than a plagiarized paper ...

... is a paper written about "Global Worming."

*banging head against wall*

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Plagiarized paper ...

... number three just came in.

This one wasn't simply plagiarized. Half of it was taken directly from articles I assigned.

And you wonder why I don't want these people anywhere near me when I'm 94 years old and standing out in the middle of the road yelling at the cows?

Plagiarism ...

... number two for this batch of essays.

*banging head against wall*

Red State Values

And the parents are from the home of Tom Coburn.

Oklahoma Woman charged in girl's decapitation
Four years after a little girl's headless body was found, police identified an Oklahoma woman as her mother and charged her Thursday in the murder of the child who became known as Precious Doe.

Police said it was the girl's stepfather who actually killed her with a kick to the head and then used hedge clippers to sever her head. He was being questioned in Muskogee, Okla.

Police said it was a tip that let them identify Erica Michelle Maria Green, who was almost 4.

"The little girl that we've known for four years as Precious Doe finally has a name," Police Chief James Corwin said.

Erica's body was found near an intersection on April 28, 2001. Days later, her head was found nearby, wrapped in a trash bag.


According to police, Johnson and her husband were with Erica in Kansas City when he delivered the fatal kick. Police said Johnson told them the couple let the girl lay motionless for two days, deciding not to seek medical care because there were warrants out for their arrests.

The mother told police her husband later used hedge clippers to cut off the girl's head. They discarded the pieces in a wooded area and a trash bin, according to a probable cause statement.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

And then ...

... there are the amazing sparkles of near-brilliance that make it all worth it.

A student who was committed mid-semester, who discovered her husband has been molesting her daughter, whose entire life is now in shambles ...

... and who has managed to crawl into class time after time to give me these wonderful little gems, just knockout little pieces of work. And who did it again on her final papers.

If she can just survive what she's in the middle of ...

First ...

... plagiarized paper of the semester down.

This student also plagiarized their extra credit paper. They are SO FLUNKED!

Rethinking this whole thing

I'm not sure I should be teaching anymore.

Maybe I'm horribly burnt out. I don't know. But I'm down to my last dime of patience, and I don't have a bit left for most of these guys.

The students who are trying, that's different. It's really satisfying to get a student who's had a hideous education, but has decided for whatever reason they're going to get themselves some learning.

The ones who are trying to slip by, though? My patience is so gone. So gone.

Monday, May 02, 2005


Only one came in, and it was a breeze to deal with.

A mere 53 minutes more, and I am home free to do whatever I want tomorrow.

Found out most of them have history and biology finals tomorrow. Hehe. Looks like that got me off the hook.


Here they come.



Still no drafts. Not a one.



Still none.


Not a one.

Oh please let not a one of them get a draft to me before 11:55 tonight because that would mean I don't have to grade tomorrow.


Not a one.

Tick tock tick tock

It's 5:15, and not a draft to be seen. I warned them that, come 11:55 p.m., my email will be SO SHUT OFF. But I really think they don't believe me.

Next semester, I'll demand drafts get to me four days before final is due.


Okay, so my results are a little skewed because my A students are so far ahead of the rest of the students that I exempted all of them from the final paper, so that the rest of the students (most of whom complain about their grades, except the bossy busty one who was sure she was one of the exempted A students, despite having missed half the classes this semester) might have some chance of catching up.

Here's the deal. These students, who I've given such a deal to, namely the chance to get a good grade, they have until midnight tonight to send me drafts of their final papers.

Midnight tonight, right? Got it?

They've known about this for weeks now. I warned them, in fact, at least three weeks ago --- maybe a freaking month ago --- of due dates. Discussed everything in class, even gave out little handouts and group emails, etc.

Everything's due on Wednesday. And of course, it wasn't until yesterday that I realized all of them will send their drafts at 11:55 tonight, meaning I'm stuck going over a billion drafts tomorrow.

Worse, the drafts I've received so far have been hideous. THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO THE FUCKING READING. There are several readings they're required to discuss in their final papers AND ALL OF THEM SO FAR HAVE MADE UP WHAT THESE READINGS ARE ABOUT Furthermore, there are two "theories" they are to incorporate into the paper --- AND INSTEAD OF READING ABOUT THESE THEORIES, CONSIDERING CLASSROOM DISCUSSION ABOUT THEM AND WORKING ON A SHRT, BUT SUITABLE EXPLANATION OF THEM, THEY'VE MADE UP DEFINITIONS FOR THEM

I really fear for the future of our country. And when I get old and decrepit and spending my days out in the road screaming at the cows, I do NOT want these people taking care of me!

Sunday, May 01, 2005

It's that time again ...

... finals, that is. The time of year when this liberal and usually kind-hearted mind of mine actually finds itself thinking that there really are stupid people, and more thaan a few of them have ended up in my classes.

I mean, how ... HOW can someone score 4 out of 90 on an exit exam? How is that possible? Especially on an exam so easy that 99% of people in this country could make a minimum of 10 if they took the test while sound asleep.


And then ... the papers. The final papers. Or I should say, the drafts for the final papers, most of which I haven't even received yet --- and doubt I'll ever even see. Even though the ones not giving me drafts are the very ones who wouldn't know a freaking sentence if it walked up to them and shook their hand.

Now the good ones are great. But the rest of them are so hideously atrociously nauseatingly bad and disjointed and incomprehensible that I am really having to restrain myself from scrawling in huge bold black letters all across the front EITHER YOU'RE COMPLETELY WORTHLESSLY LAZY OR YOU'RE PITIFULLY STUPID --- OR MAYBE BOTH!!! BUT WHATEVER THE CASE, PLEASE! JUST GIVE IT UP NOW AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE! Maybe take a job teaching English in Japan or something. Maybe the Japanese can teach you a little something about the reasons for those funny little round dots we put at the end of sentences. Because obviously we here in America can't!

Although I will say this for it --- after a morning and afternoon dealing with this pitiful pitiful drek, my annoyance was so extreme that I mowed a half an acre in record time.

Please let this semester be over quickly!